Confucius say..

My feelings towards life have ranged greatly in the past days. I began my classes and by far my favorite is one of my philosophy classes, "The Big Questions". 3 days a week, my head struggles with ideas such as time travel, death, identity. My class forces me to make a decision on my stance...These past two weeks has been on a free will. Our readings are from many standpoints, who see things as black and white.

I began to critically think about free will, and then my life a head. A feeling of worry, that I haven't felt since before New Mexico, returned ever so slightly. I felt a need to know what I was doing with my life and where I was going after New Zealand. I enjoy what I am doing now, living my life, and I didn't want to lose it.

I then asked advise from 1 amigo, 2 professors and 1 sister-in-law. Each answered my questions, but lent me help in other ways, than I, or them, had intended. They made me more confident in my decisions, helped me relax and slow down, but also helped me again grasp my notion of "fuck it, you only live once, and I am young". Thus the change of ticket to WWOOF for a month after the trimester, and other activities that have enfolded.

I feel centered now. I still am unsure of my whereabouts in the future but I know it will come together.

With this new calm, I (or maybe I was CAUSED by the fury of my philosophy class and I still do not have free will and EVERYTHING IS DETERMINED) had a good Hannah weekend. I listened to the Avett Brothers while I walked in the rain (which is why I am not flushing down the liquids because a cold is hovering), got my nose pierced (which was the best tattoo/piercing experience I have ever had!), went to the All Blacks game, and woke up early and enjoyed the Farmers Market. After the farmer's market, I received a lovely message from a farm about an hour away, asking if I wanted to WWOOF for a weekend (knowing that I was at Victoria and would maybe need a weekend get-a-way). Hmmm- Do I want to take a bus to spend a weekend meeting Kiwi's, getting my hands dirty, and sharing stories and food with new friends? FUCK YEAH!

Okay, you didn't think I was going to skip over the All Blacks game, did you? I started my evening with my famous friend, Bill Bryson (Stu) and another friendly maid, Sam. We made our way to a pizza joint where we ordered Hell themed food items. I ate a delicious purgatory pizza. Stu ate the underworld pizza, and tried to strategically drink a bottle of wine discreetly. Afterward, Stu and I hailed a cab (my first time!) and made our way to the WestPac stadium. Traffic was horrible so we ended up getting out at a light and rushing into the stadium. We didn't want to miss the HAKA! We made our way over the train station and I felt like I was on my way to Hogwarts. I could have sworn I was entering the Quiddich World Cup! We parted ways and I found my seat. It was a small stadium,meaning no seat was a bad seat. I heard the different anthems and listened to the Haka. It was the only time the entire stadium was silent. I could hear every word. Poor South Africa just had to stand and take it. The Haka pumped me up so much! I greatly enjoyed myself as I joined in the swearing and jumping up and down with the other Kiwi's. The All Blacks played together like a flock of birds. They wove in and out and knew when to move (or tackle the SHIT out of South Africa).

{I was also updated by Stu throughout the game. He managed to smuggle in two bottles of wine, and the rest of his double pizza. Every time the crowd cheered, he would chug his Merlot. He said that the elder couples beside him seemed to approve. He said that this game was as good as Christmas morning when he was 7 years old}.

The best thing about rugby and the All Blacks is that you never know when they will just fly down the field and score another try. Or take over a scrum or win a lineout...The game is so entertaining. On the way out of the game, I ran into some friendly Kiwi's dressed as skeletons who wanted our thoughts on our first All Blacks game. They were so proud.

Sunday night came fast. I forced myself to read over my Asian Religion notes. The first chapters were brutal and I took 3 tea breaks, a kiwi fruit break, and yet another granola bar break until I finished. I then realized that I had to prepare the next lectures reading as well. I adjusted my sleeping bag and willed myself (although that "willing" may have been an illusion) to complete this reading. Off the bat, the reading was much better than the first. It was about Confucius, and what he ACTUALLY believed. I wont rehash all of the reading, because then you, yourself would have to take a few tea and kiwi fruit breaks, but I will tell what I came away with. Confucius believed in the importance of ceremony, such as greeting someone, getting married, making breakfast. We must learn these ceremonies from the society around us, and ceremonies will be different around the world. He believed that language, gestures, beliefs and natural body reactions all play a role in ceremonies, including the spirit of a person. The article discussed that modern philosophers and scientists skip over the spiritual and mystical side of Confucius, in order to keep him credible. Most try to make things black and white, logical, this way or that way.

I can tire my brain back and forth, trying to think black and white, but that is not me. Most of the things in my life are not a light switch. Honestly, its not a life worth living to me, being always black and white. I live to see the layers in my life; the layers of love, friendship, family, hope, happiness. I believe that Confucius had something right. I understand philosophers ways and why they feel the need to think like a machine. Many say humans are special, we think differently than other species. Than let us embrace those unique qualities. Or is every feeling just an illusion to what we are? Just a species.
Well, I know I don't believe that.

OH YEAH. I learned that I have the worst Milwaukee Accent. I didn't even know that an accent was possible from Milwaukee. Maybe just my "O"s, like TOOOast. Apparently, I was wrong. My group could tell my accent (and occasionally Andg's) more so than any of the other people in our group. Its so bad, that this guy laughed at me, and said that I make him want to watch Fargo. I guess I sound like a farmer. Well, with the name Hannah, I best embrace the farmer inside.